The adventures of Neatstep the funny parking officer.

It’s always fun to visit San Francisco – assuming, of course, you can afford it! The fascinating thing about being a tourist is that you are immediately recognizable as such. So you get to speak to all kinds of interesting people and also, some rather interesting people get to talk to you! But you know there’s a problem when the street guy complains that living here is not so affordable anymore and the next one tells you the tax break doesn’t help because he doesn’t pay any tax…..

They say, lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place, but whoever said that, obviously hadn't been through security at our local airport. The last time I tried, my almost empty tube of toothpaste was confiscated. This time, they focused on my travel sets, including a nail-file and a mini-knife, so small, that I couldn't even use it to attack a politically correct dwarf – that’s one of those guys with the pointed hats that Snow White used to hangout with, before they were confiscated (the hats, not the dwarfs – well maybe the dwarfs too, because I haven’t seen them around lately)!.....

It’s been a long time since we last visited Germany so it was no surprise to find that, in the meantime, a lot had changed – some things for the better and some things, well… not for the better! The most obvious change was the extent to which automation has crept into every aspect of modern day life. Everything which could possibly be automated, has been automated, together with every other thing which should definitely not have been automated, but has been anyway. The results of this are exactly as could be expected…..

Everybody wants to travel these days, but as Neatstep always says, “traveling is expensive and dangerous!” What people don’t tell you about their holiday, is usually much more interesting than what they do tell you. Having said that, we just returned from a family reunion in California. After a week in our favorite city, San Diego, we needed to get to our meeting place in San Francisco, a short flight away. That was before my wife had the brilliant idea of going by train…..

Ever since we moved to our district, I always joked that little old white-haired lady drivers were the biggest threat to my existence. Unfortunately, I just discovered that this is not necessarily the case. We had recently returned home in my wife’s car when she complained about an engine noise. I left the car running, got out and flipped the hood open. Then I instructed her to get in and press the accelerator pedal whilst I take a look. She obliged. There are no prizes for guessing what happened next…..

I just looked out of the window and guess what – it’s raining again! That’s been the picture all along the West coast for months now. Fortunately, we had an interim vacation and managed to find some sunshine in California. Whilst we were in San Diego we even missed out on all the snow back home. How lucky was that!

Of course, traveling these days is not without its challenges, especially if you are flying. So it was no surprise when we had the usual excitement at the airport security check…..

This year, I received an unexpected Christmas present from my family. They bought me a SmartPhone. I guess they were thinking, “This guy is so dumb, he needs some extra help!” The advantage of this new phone is, it’s bigger, it’s heavier and the battery drains much faster. Anyway, it’s a big improvement on my old phone, which was not so smart, mainly because I had dropped it several times and if you were dropped several times from a great height, you wouldn’t be so smart either, so there!

Now all I need is a Smart-Computer, because when I connected my Smart-Phone to my Not-So-Smart-Computer, it dumped all the contents of my computer onto my new phone. That’s not my idea of smart! I had to spend several days discovering how to remove all of this not-so-smart data from my SmartPhone and disable all the smart software, written by all those smart people, clogging up my not-so-smart computer!.....

If you are a person who doesn’t like rules then you would really appreciate our city. It didn’t take me long to discover that nobody here was following any rules except for me. Whether it’s motorists, cyclists, pedestrians, neighbors or anyone else, the motto appears to be “rules are for other people”. One way streets – which way! Red lights – I’m colorblind! Pedestrian crosswalks – only for dummies! No dogs on the beach – hey, my dog can’t read! No cell phones while driving – I’ll drink coffee instead! No cycling – hah hah! No parking – well, that’s an issue for Neatstep! .....

Summer arrived very late this year. Whilst it was hot and unbearable everywhere else, we had rather wet weather until the end of June. Now that is very unusual indeed! On the positive side, it meant I had more time to stay indoors working on Neatstep. It’s been a very quiet time since the last blog, with no major incidents to report. That’s probably because we didn’t do any traveling. As we all know, traveling is dangerous, but it’s what everyone wants to do these days – except for me, possibly. I prefer to spend the summer downtown, mingling with all the tourists, enjoying the variety of entertainment and soaking up the general atmosphere.....

We just returned from another eventful trip, which started with our usual pirate taxi (this time in Las Vegas), then snow in Arizona (not what we were expecting), some anxious moments in Acapulco and a bit of excitement on our Mexican Riviera cruise. Finally, our luggage was thoroughly demolished upon arrival, so now I know what it means when the airline asks, “how many pieces of luggage do you have”?

I filed a damage report and the clerk asked, “How many pieces of luggage do you have”? I said to her, “Did you mean before, or after the flight?”

Originally, I was given the choice of three trips. My fourth choice (stay at home and relax) was apparently not acceptable. So I opted for the least adventurous itinerary, or so I thought.....